Jessica Asked: My boyfriends girl-friend is too close for my comfort!?

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a couple of years. When I'm busy at work etc. he usually hangs with his best mate (who is a girl) in a group. However in the past few months they have gotten really close and see each other by themselves and not in a group of friends like usual.

I told my boyfriend that i was feeling uncomfortable with the closeness of their relationship as it was beginning to overlap with my time with him. He felt very upset with me and defended her about it because they get on well and have similar interests. He said he isn't interested in her at all and i trust him however i think she may have a little crush on him from the conversations ive seen. I told him I wanted them to cool their friendship off a bit and not to hang with each other alone, especially at night. After some time I looked through his phone and discovered they went to the drive ins together during the week. He denied that they were alone but I knew he was lying again. I also found out that he had lied to me about where he was at certain times. He told me it was only to save a fight and he knew he shouldn't have gone to the drive ins and apologised for his mistake and didn't think about it properly first. I asked him if I was his first priority and if he had to choose between her or me he would definitely choose me even though he wants to have both and believes i shouldn't give him an ultimatum! They both don't see this as an issue at all and that its all innocent which i can understand. But now after our last fight he has begun to go behind my back about things which questions my trust for him! I'm not sure where to go from here even though i know its simply just a friendship which is sending off harmless warning alarms!

Would you like your boyfriend hanging out at night alone with his girl mate (even if they are just friends)?


Soadora Answered:
Normally I would say that you should let them hang out together but I don't think this is as harmless as they say it is.

If your instincts tell you something is wrong, trust them. It seems a little fishy to me.

Tell him you can't trust him as you used to because he lied and went behind your back.

If you want to give him a chance, maybe you can suggest that the three of you hang out together, instead of you two alone. That will give you a chance to see how they interact together and determine if it's harmless or not. Maybe you can get some of your other friends to hang out with them so that they are not alone. But eventually I think he's going to have to chose. He's proven you can't trust him when this girl is involved.

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